I went away last weekend to Berlin. It was grand. I'm trying to process. It was perfect timing to get away, following a couple exhausting weeks. I needed some new; new art, new museums, new food, new metro system, new conversations with old friends. And the time exceeded my expectations!

1) To walk around Berlin without an open giant bottle of beer is so not cool
2)"Bonhoeffer" a biography by Eric Metaxas was the perfect book to bring along, I can't seem to read fast enough though, as it reads like a spy novel . It did mean that I had no space for a chunk of the Berlin wall I intended to bring home (I'm not sure if my humor comes across when I'm tired). In case not... the main point: it's a HUGE book but oh so worth it. I will reflect more on this book and what it's stirring in me later.
3) Russian food is spectacular.
4) I managed to not eat one sausage. I'm okay with that.
5) I will always remember the Holocaust monument. One of the most gripping powerful pieces of art I've ever seen.
6) In a similar vein the Jewish museum was hauntingly beautiful. I'll never be able to explain the way the building engages your body, the way the architect build the floors at an angle to disorient you, or the fact that you walk over 10,000 metal faces representing victims of violence. And the hollow metal eyes bore into your soul and you know that you too are capable, you too can do this, you too step on their lifeless heads. And the empty sell like room with a sliver of sunlight at the top, and the heavy door which snaps behind you, fear and enclose and you cry without meaning to but feeling so relieved that you have.
7) I also expected it to be more crazy, more loud, more like a city-wide house (music) show.
But it wasn't, it was artsy and bohemian with a love affair for graffiti, yet quite peaceful. A good mix between Barcelona and Paris.
8) Cycling in Berlin was great though I did not feel at the top of the food chain like I do in Amsterdam. Cars still decidedly hold that place though they do have many bike lanes.
9) People were very kind and smiled as you crossed on the sidewalk! I'm not used to that.
10) Punk style
11) Lidl and Aldi are the main grocery stores! Yep, our grocery bill was very low. Success!
12) Speaking of cheap, food and just about everything in Berlin does not cost a lot.
13) Hardy anyone wears Birkenstock sandals.
14) Germans love their cake... and oh man, so do I!

I'm now home, feeling energized , very happy, and alive! (photos by Amanda O.)

I like themes, I like knowing what to expect. It made me happy to flip through a contemporary art magazine today where every entry had some kind of connection to birds, or to dip into 4 books over the course of a few weeks about a certain theme, to eat cabbage cooked in a variety of ways for a week, to wear black for 3 days straight just because it matches my hair. Themes are nice, rhythm is nice. Yet sometimes things change and surprises are welcome...

I was thinking today how I have this idea of what I'm capable of in my head, what I'm successful at, my skills, the things I should do, and shouldn't do and how sometimes I wake up and realize I'm doing something I never thought I could do and would have freaked me out 6 months ago. That's when all I can say is "Thank you God that you will never stop surprising me. Thank you that I can't put you in a box and thank you for giving me just what I need when I'm pushed out of the nest and forced to figure out how to fly."

I prayed and invited Jesus to lead my life when I was 8, around 15 it became personal and really began to affect my life. At that time I had what I call a conversion to the church and the Holy Spirit, when I was 18 the Bible began to come to life for me, and so it went... year after year I continued to try on and wear more and more of the life of Jesus. And this week I felt like I got saved yet again.

I think it's John Wimber who said "we need to be filled regularly with the Holy Spirit because we leak", it's not just a one off event. I'm starting to think in the same way we need to be saved more than once. Not saved for salvation... that's done once and for all, but saved for ourselves, reminded again. Believe it again. The beauty of the good news caught my breath again this week. The beauty of the story; of God's desire for relationship with us, and sin and pain preventing that. So, in one radical act of grace that revivals all epic novels he became man, sending his son to earth. Jesus lived perfectly and then took all our sin and healed it by dieing in our place. When he rose to life he became the doorway for us back to God. Back to life now with God. And that's the door I walked through again this week. Without recognizing daily my need for salvation I start to forget. I live like I'm not free. I forget why it matters to tell others. I forget that Jesus is in me and wants to move in to every room of my heart and instead I live scared and controlled. And through the beauty of the gospel we're freed from that. I invite repeated opportunities to pull on the sweater of truth and wear it so that it becomes again my very own skin.

the last few days in images

baby steps

Declaration of faith
To whom shall we go?
You have the words of eternal life,
and we have believed and have come to know
that You are the Holy One of God.

Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ,
King of endless glory.
(from the Northumbria daily office)

If I didn't love the Vineyard so much I'd be an Anglican in a heartbeat I'm sure. Hearing Alastair from Christ Church the other day talk about holy week (the week before Easter starting with Palm Sunday) coming up in April reminded me of that again.

Some people run from tradition, growing up with too much ritual which can turn in to rules and legalism. So they walk in to places like the Vineyard and can breathe. Others like me who have grown up knowing very little liturgy beyond a guy on guitar leading songs, waiting for the Holy Spirit, and trying to everything with a no hype attitude.

So, when I went away to university and walked in to an Anglican church in Chicago... I felt like I'd discovered the greatest thing ever. You mean there are prayers that Christians have been reading for hundreds of years at the same time each day? There's a church calendar? The color fabrics on the tables and walls actually mean something? The day after fat Tuesday is actually a quite meaningful day?

Every year around this time, as much of the Church around the world looks toward Easter, taking 40 days to "go in to the dessert" and align themselves in a purposeful way with Jesus as he over 2000 years ago, prepared to go and die..... I too attempt to think purposefully in this direction. However, I have a very hard time doing any alone so I've been enjoying a few resources as well as doing some things in community.

Here are the things I've been enjoying doing regularly this month:

• CTBI: Churches in Britain and Ireland came together to put together a series of studies, readings, and reflections for Lent. Julia got me hooked on this. Each year it's a different theme. It's supported by bbc which makes it extra cool to me.

• Northumbria Community : Lovely prayers/poetry/readings in a daily office kind of format by a new Celtic monastic community called Northumbria in Britain.

• Reading Sex God, by Rob Bell.

I lack so much rhythm in my life despite my crave for it... these are baby steps towards finding a bit more.

Canticle
Christ, as a light
illumine and guide me.
Christ, as a shield
overshadow me.
Christ under me;
Christ over me;
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;
in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Christ as a light;
Christ as a shield;
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.
(from the Northumbria daily office)

kids books and the dutch writers behind them

Growing up our favorite Bible stories were read to us from these small paper back books. Each little book told a Bible story with vibrant painted colors and large earthy figures. We loved them. The characters were very human and very alive. The text was simple, we had them in English and French as I remember. I think I even learned to read using some of these books. So, a few months I popped in to a Christian bookstore in town and immediately identified the same illustrations on a cover in the kid's section. On closer inspection I found the exact illustrations, this time bound in a larger volume of stories and it hit me, the author/illustrator is dutch! Kees de Kort. I promptly bought the book and have been enjoying reading them now in dutch. Check them out below:


jesus and his followers

road to emmaus

abraham and the promise

david and goliath

And then the other day I was in Ohio with a friend at a little girl's one year old birthday. We bought her Mo Willem's famous "Knuffle Bunny" books. The 3rd and last book is about the same little girl from the first two but this time she goes to Holland to visit her grandma and grandpa (opa and oma) and as I'm flipping through I realize.. this author has to be dutch! Why didn't I see it before. "Knuffel" in dutch means "hug" and it's pronounced not with a soft "k" but instead like "ka-nuf-al" and in English we say "nuffle". I flipped to the front just to be sure and yep, "Willems" is a hard core dutch name. I feel witty and smart when I discover things like this... so there I was in the middle of the party chuckling to myself like I just uncovered a little secret (which I'm sure most people realized before I did).



So to complete my random blog entry I would say that dutch children's writers/illustrators may have the corner on the kid's lit market. Hurrah for the lovely language of double "e" words.

There are a few things that I've heard this week which made me really happy... kind of like Syrian polos (a drink with tons of mint and lemon juice) make me happy. I know that sounds silly but you have no idea how amazing a polo is on a hot summer day. And yes, I'm also dreaming of hot summer days.


- "I really like your church, it's like going to my pilates class, I leave feeling so relaxed."

- "I feel so much love here and I want to respond and figure out where that love is coming from."

- "It's important to name things, my daughter was crying last week and I asked her, are you crying because you're sick or because mom's gone on a trip. She answered, because mom's gone. I have mommy cramps."

- Belly laughing with a friend while listening to David Sedaris.

- Me to a friend: "Do you want to come to church with me tomorrow? No pressure, but know that I will always keep asking because I think it's the greatest thing ever (said with a twinkle in my eye). "
Answer: "I know! I love that about you even though church is the last place I want to be. Keep asking."

- "When I think about dance school I don't want to dance but when I'm dancing I can't think of anything else I'd rather do."

- "Jesus didn't die for clean air, he died for people. The people are in the cities, so go to the cities!" -John Wimber

-"Jesus gave Peter a chance to recant, he wanted forgiveness to be the marker of His life, not failure. Jesus would always rather restore than remove and re-appoint." -Simon Ponsonby.