home sick

I'm terrible at being sick. The low point to my madness was yesterday when I caught myself starting to clean the bathroom. It took me a minute to realize how insane that was before I hobbled back to bed. I have what my mom calls the "superhero syndrome," I love that she came up with that and it so perfectly describes me. It points to something that feels good a lot of the time when I'm feeling 'top' as they say in dutch or having a good day or feeling emotionally healthy but then out of the blue can be so very bad.

And I realize that it makes me a person who lives like I don't need grace. A dear pastor said to me a few weeks ago, 'Brooke, remember that in your weakness your Father is strong. That's just how it works.' And I would say to myself, 'Come on Brooke, just get used to it! He loves your weakness.'

Here's a lovely little Wendell Berry poem I'm been reading nearly daily:

The Wild Rose

Sometimes hidden from me
in daily custom and in trust,
so that I live by you unaware
as by the beating of my heart,

suddenly you flare in my sight,
a wild rose blooming at the edge
of thicket, grace and light
where yesterday was only shade

and once more I am blessed, choosing
again what i chose before.