community

Sitting in my messy apartment with no one coming over that day (thus no pressure to clean), I was listening to a lovely music mix, thinking about a conversation I had the day before, and soaking in the sun. And it dawned on me how lovely it is to be in community. Not just because it's fun and life giving and Jesus was all about it or because I become angry and cynical without it, but because community gives me the permission not to try to be good at everything (which I can't be anyway). Being an oldest child, overly responsible, self critical, perfectionist is so hard sometimes. I always wish I were better at more things. More of a renaissance woman.

For example... music. I do not have an ear for music, not in the slightest. I enjoy listening to music when it's given to me, or someone tells me what's good but I can sit in a cafe and not pay any attention to what's playing (it's like white noise to me). I wish it weren't. I wish I had impeccable music taste like my friend Allie, I would like to read snobby music blogs (I think people who do are so stinking cool), I would like to be able to drum, or sing the lyrics to a song I remember from 9th grade... but I can't do any of those things and I know I'll never do any of those things... and I realize I'm completely fine with that because I know people who do instead. And I love hearing from Allie or Julia or Mark or the other music savvy people I know about good music and funny blog posts, or listening to amazing drummers, and laughing when someone hums an old school song. I will never be that, and why should I when I know so many people who do it so well?

Or why should I flip out when it takes me hours and hours to design a business card on indesign ... when I can email a friend who in a flash designs a slick map for the back of the card and I can just plop it in. And instead of feeling jealous (though I still do a tad), I think, "wow, I am so glad I'm in community".... where I know people who work wonders with adobe software or make the most sublime music mixes, or preach the most eloquent heart stirring sermons, or write fabulous articles on good theology, or spell really well..... or make the best popcorn. Um... never mind maybe I would like to learn to make the best popcorn... but then, maybe I wouldn't enjoy it as much! Ok, I'll let John be the best at that! As long as I get my weekly fill.