I need to find some hobbies. Bad. A list of interesting slightly unusual hobbies so that the next time I get asked the "what are your hobbies?" over a beer or tea I'll have some backup. I mean come on, I thought I had things I like to do in my free time... but they just don't seem to fit inside the framework of "hobbies." That word is just intimidating. It sounds lame to say I like studying languages, museums, comic strip reading, riding public transport in big cities, wrapping presents, skyping. How do those stand up to yoga classes, cooking, oil painting, and a bit of squash at the gym?

People love knowing what you enjoy doing in your free time in Holland. You put your hobbies on you cv, you talk about them in an interview, you share them with your neighbors. Last night I was asked again... and my answer: "ummmm, watch movies.... ummm go to museums.... hmmm make art (that was a lie= don't really make time for that anymore).... " so at a certain point she had pity on me and helped me out, "do you like to go out? dance? do you play an instrument, do you sport?... "

I need to get myself some hobbies. Allie found a pilates class nearby... that sounds legit. I'll try that... or maybe there's skydiving in Holland? I wouldn't be surprised in the least.

photos from 2009 church retreat

smelling the roses

Pictures from our birthday bash in Vondelpark. Gloria (age 4!), John, and I all celebrated our birthdays. It was lovely fun to enjoy the gorgeous day together and bring all our friends together for some cupcakes and joy!

do you ever feel like you're on the verge of greatness?

So, today I woke up and wanted to change the world... to speak for human rights, to facilitate conversation between people of many faiths, to end world poverty by walking in to a conference room and yelling at every money hungry ceo I could find convicting them deep in their soul, to recycle more faithfully, to cut my shower time down, to write letters to politicians, to be better informed, join a community organization, grow my own tomatoes, personally greet every person I pass on the sidewalk, become fluent in Dutch overnight and move on to Arabic, get my masters in Islamic studies or something fascinating like that, maybe at the same time start studying art history while trying to one and for all kick the word "like" out of my vocabulary, running to help when I see an accident, and on and on...

...and I one hand it can be dreamy and adrenaline inducing to think along these lines but then I think about Jesus who brought justice and life to every person he encountered. Not just the big dogs. He didn't just try to bring justice to women by making a new law, or feed the sick by forcing all the rich to empty their vaults, he simply encountered each person and one at a time loved them. And I'm not saying that people shouldn't change laws and do the "big" stuff, but it does comfort me knowing that I'm not a politician and won't be doing that sort of thing, that I can still be a apart of the change.

... and I think of the Middle Eastern concept of being bound to whoever is in your presence.... even if you're on the way to the most important meeting of you life and you run in to your neighbor who's car broke down and they need a lift, since they're in your presence, as a Middle Easterner that would trump all else. The meeting could wait, the next thing can wait.... this sister of brother is in your presence and in that place is where we're called to act, to be. And for me, as a westerner, that's one of the most terrifying things for me. I love my agenda, I fill each day nicely full, trying to use my time wisely, checking things off as I go....

And just as I head out the door to "change the world," it hits me... ok, who changed the world? Jesus. He was a human living and being love to people. Yes, He was God.. but He was also just as much human, and as a human I can learn from Him. He changed the world through interacting in radically different ways with people... with the people right in front of him.... remember the story when Jesus is on the way to heal the leader's daughter and the woman who'd been bleeding for a long time touched him... he stopped and talked to her, healed her first before going on to the house. I want to be like that Jesus, someone who changes the world by loving the people who are in front of me.... whoever that may be, whether it's a friend in language school, or little Grayson, or my old neighbor downstairs, or the person in the grocery store yesterday who was only short 1 euro at the cash register and I didn't give it to him, oh I long to be that person... and I think, I hope that in the process of loving who's in front of me, I do get to take part in changing the world.

smitten

I'm a mixed up person, delighted to spend weeks at a lonely cottage on a lake, fresh and close to nature, yet likewise, give me a large city and it's like Christmas morning! Over the years I have made my way through many cities in many different countries. I'm fond of many things; quaint cafes, culture compressed, large museums, dilapidated neighborhoods, fashion, good newspapers, advertising, people from all over the globe, and large universities.... but more than anything my heart skips a beat when it comes to public transportation. Yes, I know... am I insane? Sure.

If possible I hope to never own a car again. I've spent many years of my adulthood commuting to work, school, church, the grocery, and back home with myself, my music, my thoughts.... my individualism.

To ride the subway, tube, underground, or el from one end of a city to the other is the best gift ever. Public transport reminds me that I'm human, a part of this massive lovely world. When I begin to get too comfortable, too self focused in my mind with my ideas, too safe in my part of the city, seeing my friends, I head out to the nearest subway.

And it's in that subway where I love being human again. To love people. I breath in body odor, smile at grafitti, follow the little subway map above my head, notice nice shoes, catch a falling child as the train breaks suddenly, exchange greetings with my seat neighbor, and mostly simply sit and live. Even in total silence there's connection as people all collectively read the free city newspapers or listen to their ipod soundtrack.

I especially enjoy underground transport that zooms us from west to east right beneath the nose of the city in the midst of her happy noisy day. The subway also reminds me that we're all the same; rich, poor, every race and ethnic group, woman, man, child, we all sit as one being, one presence. Exiting up the escalator into the world, the magic wanes..... yet I walk, remembering my human family deep below the earth traveling beneath my happy feet.


(photos: on the london tube, chicago el, el platform, tube escalator)

jaar 1

The day has come... August 18th, 2009!

One year ago today I was saying my tearful goodbyes to a small group of friends and family at the Columbus Airport. I then got on a plane, watched some not so great airplane movies and arrived in Amsterdam where I found Allie (my now flatmate) in the baggage claim. We then proceeded out the doors to the welcoming happy tulip filled arms of Julia who then valiantly hauled our 8 bags back to her house. You still rock my world friend.

One year. I love reflecting back, remembering God stories, looking through journals, thanking God for His love and His voice.

I'm very proud of myself to have survived this year! I was the girl who called dad to figure out how to fill up my car's gas tank when I was 17, the girl who's never done her own taxes, my roommates have always paid the rent and utilities and I've written them a check (i love you shelley!) and now boom, I've managed to find an apartment, succeed in getting a bank account in order so I can pay rent and bills in a language that is still so new to me. I've memorize new phone numbers, addresses, pin codes, transitioned from driving to cycling, got an albert heijn grocery bonus card, and done life without any tragic mistakes in another country for a year. Hurrah!

And just as I was relishing the feeling of being great at life, thinking wow, I am so responsible.... my internet stopped working. Um... what's wrong here? We spent two days of fiddling with the airport and cords, "stealing" wifi from a neighbor, even Bernie came over to help to no avail. Finally I called the lovely upc internet people. I relaxed when I heard the guy say, "I know what's wrong," "You do?! How great!" "Yes," he said, "You haven't paid your internet bill for the past three months so there's a hold on your account." I haven't what?... oh man, there went all my pomp... are you kidding me? Oh yea, okay it's coming back to me now.... that must explain the piece of paper that I didn't really read since it was in dutch about direct online bill payment. Okay, yes thank you very much I'll pay it now and I sheepishly hung up.

Some days it feels like I'm right back at the beginning! Some days are steam lined and efficient, everything goes right. Others are humbling and slow, spent waiting at the upc store for a guy to walk me through how to fill out a form. Thank you nice man. Yup, feeling like a kid again!

And yet I am thankful for these days because they remind me that there's no reason for life to be fast and streamlined to see how lighting quick and efficiently I can move and get things done. It's about the process. I'm here to do it all, to love people, to laugh, to be me, to be free, to pay bills and manage to complete my visit to the upc store in dutch, to play with Gigi in her cute panties in the wading pool, to attend meetings, write emails, have dinner with new friends, talk, plan parties, get groceries for dinner, take out the trash, greet my neighbors, and do the whole of my lovely wonderfully complicated never boring life!

(photos: moi, with luke and allie on my birthday, with some girlfriends)