Today is Ash Wednesday. Wow, it came fast. I usually feel like this day marks sort of beginning to spring, or at least the thinking about spring. Yet for me the fridgid cold, kissing snow, and frozen canals keep my mind elsewhere. I really appreciate Ash Wednesday and I am experiencing a small case of homesickness today as I think about friends and family heading off to special services at home. I miss the smudgy ash on my forehead and the "Remember you are dust and to dust you will return" spoken over me. And remembering that without Jesus I would not stand and looking forward to His death and resurrection.

I do still have some palm branches from last year, I should go burn them up and ash away but I'm too tired and sore from moving friends yesterday and it sounds like a lot of work so I will just sit here on my couch and try to take some deep breaths and not let this special day go before I've had a minute to think. Click here for a lovely article on Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent if you are interested.

I'm also still considering Lent, if and what I will give up. Oh and that reminds me that Allie mentioned that some years instead of giving something up, she adds something to her life that does not come naturally to her (ie giving some money to every person begging, writing encouraging notes to a different friend every day, helping at a homeless shelter, and on and on). I like that idea even though it will be just as difficult, adding something that doesn't come naturally, as refraining from something I adore.

Good morning! I started reading a new book over the weekend. Oh goodness, it's a fabulous one. Hits deep. It's by Eugene Peterson (yep, the author/translator of the Message). I'm always so thankful for book recommendations. I hate taking time to find books but I love when good ones are just placed in front of my nose (bluntly put, I'm lazy in this area). I have a couple friends who tell me about the best books. This one is from my dad. It starts out with a striking poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins who was my favorite poet in high school. He was my first introduction to a poet madly in love with alliteration, the poems hopping with tension. Here's the lovely example:

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame;
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell's
Bow strung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves - goes itself; myself it speaks and spells,
Crying What I do is me: for that I came.

I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is -
Christ. For Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.

The book concentrates on the living out of our theology which he calls "spiritual theology"... That the two words cannot be separated without being at an imbalance. Oh and yes, the book is naturally called, Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places. It was cheap on bol.com (if you're in the Netherlands), otherwise I'm sure you can get it for next to nothing in the US. Well, there you have it, my plug for the day!

I'm now off to prepare for my first teaching in dutch (eeek!) on prayer. I'm preparing in English then will translate it to dutch, I may figure out mid way that I'm doing double work. We'll see, I'm sure the next time will be easier. Ideas/tips are welcome! Which reminds me I also need to buy a Bible in dutch, so I'll stop by the bookstore as well. I keep misplacing the ones I thought I had. Then my day will hopefully finish with some mad quick graphic design skillzzz which will inshallah (God willing), produce a sign/banner of sorts for the entrance to our "non church" looking church door this Sunday. Here we go!

I got my hair cut today. It was a fun experience. Went to Kinki Kapers in Utrecht. Trained down with lovely Allie. We stepped in to this raging energy filled space with hairdressers snipping madly away. Felice, my new favorite person was there to great us. She's been cutting hair for just under a year and is freaking amazing. A total gift and finally a hairstylist that's got "the gift." She takes a really long time but the result is fabulously smooth and light (which is a good thing for my hefty mane) but it means we have longer to talk. And talk and talk we did, all in dutch of course, which I always am pleasantly surprised when people do speak dutch with me, since often their English is so perfect. It's one of my favorite things. Even when I ask for clarification, it's in dutch! Thank you God for Felice.

I love when life tasks overlap... need a haircut since it's been 6 months and need to practice dutch and it's always good to meet new people and even bump in to another friend and connect with her... oh the overlap is a sweet thing! By the time we made it back it was late and time to catch a few maddeningly amazing Lost episodes with friends.

Tomorrow I have letters to sign, a teaching to write, my thoughts to process, and some new and old friends to see. It will be a good day I'm sure.

My thoughts today have wandered to Martin Luther King Jr. and the annual remembrance and celebration that goes on back home on this day. And I got to thinking about the MLKs all over the world who work for justice and seek peace. And that these regular people like my friend Sarah who helps women in India who are coming out of prostitution by providing them with an income (making beautiful blankets out of recycled sari material) are full of the grace and love of Jesus. That's who Jesus was, a radical justice seeker who gave his life to put the world to right. And now we're a part of that time line, seeing the "right" being worked out and waiting for the full "right" to come. And I pray for justice soon, for real hope people can taste, for a future for Haiti, for the people there who have sustained years and years of kicking while they're down. Oh God, keep us full of hope and keep us with our eyes stuck on you. And help me to be that kind of person here in Amsterdam. Let me be a hope broker as Carl Medearis once said he was when asked what his profession was. I want to be a broker of hope, we're called to be brokers of hope.

Here are some happy pictures I'd forgotten about and thought I'd share... they all have stories attached but for now you get just the picture and a blurb. Life has been a bit hectic, I hope to get back to some actual writing and musing soon.


gathering with new/old friends. this was a really good night.

when the snow came to stay a while! we've had a couple more dumpings of snow since this first snowfall. it's been magical and deeply silent.

allie playing in the snow. it was really sticky snow!

alessandra, mahawa, and i lovin' on eachother.

new year's day came with a swim in the north sea. it was sooo cold and glorious! i'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I hopped home for Christmas to see my family and say "see you soon" to my brother and sister in law who are moving to Switzerland. I'm so excited to have them closer. It was such a treat to all be under one roof together again. It's been many years. I haven't been back to Columbus for over a year so I wondered what I would feel/think. And surprisingly it felt just as much home as ever and I realized that instead of gaining a home and losing another I just feel at home in two places. Now that's something I can live with!

I was in a foul mood yesterday. I mean utterly violently pissed off, judgmental and gross inside. It just happened to be Monday, and Quo Vadis? was planned for the evening....which made me even more frustrated. Why tonight, of all nights? My favorite night of the week. But God is gracious in the darkest rain clouds. I was fighting it so hard, speaking truth loudly in my head when any nasty thought popped up. Over and over again... and again... and a few more times. I didn't feel like I totally won but was I sure fighting!

It was a really fascinating night, a totally different group of people.

At 19.00 it started with two beautiful girls who I've never met coming in "... blah blah.. talking.. nice to meet you.. 'Jaap told us about this' (no clue who Jaap is)... blah blah.. two more people, 'we live around the corner'.. we're not going to stay though... oh okay... (two hours later... still there, having a blast!) and on and on.. brother of so and so.. friend of mine, sister in law, neighbor... It was the most eclectic group...

It's so funny how that happens... just when I try to figure it all out and think that I know who will be there and where people are at in their processing of faith and spirituality/God, etc... then I get it again. I am clueless. Absolutely clueless. And once I just accept that... well.... then I love it! I love the fact that God is bigger than my plans, that He always has the ace card, that He has things up his sleeve that I can never guess (I just love surprises). Believing in a God that can't surprise me, a God that I've figured out.... I couldn't do it. I wouldn't. The power, the bigness, the great mighty yet kind and sincere nearness of God draws me closer and mesmerizes me endlessly (even when at the same time it can be infuriatingly frustrating to not be in control).

And it was midway through the night, sitting at the bar, listening to Julia eloquently tell the story of Jesus as a picture of the love of God, like the love seen as a doctor serves an AIDS patient in Africa or the woman who buys the homeless newspaper weekly and talks to the seller... the love God has for me, for us who despite being rotten annoying not very kind or nice people, loves us. He loves me in my bad mood when I'm cranky for no apparent reason. And I realized again that life is hard and it's normal for me to be human and mad and cranky but in the midst of that God calls me to accept his love and to love others. And in the messy confusing act of doing that is where I know I am, where I am called to be, and where I hope to thrive.