Easter love

So we planned our first baptism for today, Easter Sunday and then sadly had to cancel due to insane rain and cold... But that didn't keep us from enjoying the day and each other! I'll never forget this sweet Easter!

Sweet Pauline prepping dessert

Kelly my dear friend who flew in to see me Friday and the next thing she knows is whipping up a feast for 30+ people!

My living room on Easter Sunday! I love being the rain location! Super fun and always full of unexpected adventure!

i must remember...

I often have that feeling these days... usually thought and said with a panting voice in my head and screwed up fists, "I must remember.. this.. must... I have to... try harder... " Kind of like when you're a child and play around with the idea of moving the pen across the table with your telepathic abilities. Same thing. But way harder because so much is freaking going on and I can't remember and hold it and love it all.

Last night found me doing the same, sitting in my little living room on a white couch which I would never buy myself but which I love. I always thought it may be fun to be the kind of person who had white furniture. White represents the height of beauty over function to me and I love that.

And it was when Julia started describing the difference between walking toward Jesus and walking away from Jesus and somehow getting around to answering a question about the devil.... in dutch... to some of the sweetest people most hilarious fast talking people I've ever met, that I thought.... ahhhhh God, help me remember this moment, this feeling. And the whole night was like that as I barely kept up with the zooming conversation, hearing these women open up about their lives, their questions about faith, their fascination with Jesus despite knowing they don't want a relationship with him because it means he gets to have a say on how life is lead.

And I sat there and thought, is this my life? Is this what I get to do? This is the hardest more infuriating, exhausting, emptying 2 years of life I've ever led but I want it. I want it because I love these moments when I get to see people, I get to hear stories, I get to wrestle through how to explain what Jesus' idea of church was in another language to people from another culture, and I get to do it with people I love and respect. And I think Oh God, I really need your help because I don't know what the heck I'm doing even though I love it and want it.

Today is Ash Wednesday. Wow, it came fast. I usually feel like this day marks sort of beginning to spring, or at least the thinking about spring. Yet for me the fridgid cold, kissing snow, and frozen canals keep my mind elsewhere. I really appreciate Ash Wednesday and I am experiencing a small case of homesickness today as I think about friends and family heading off to special services at home. I miss the smudgy ash on my forehead and the "Remember you are dust and to dust you will return" spoken over me. And remembering that without Jesus I would not stand and looking forward to His death and resurrection.

I do still have some palm branches from last year, I should go burn them up and ash away but I'm too tired and sore from moving friends yesterday and it sounds like a lot of work so I will just sit here on my couch and try to take some deep breaths and not let this special day go before I've had a minute to think. Click here for a lovely article on Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent if you are interested.

I'm also still considering Lent, if and what I will give up. Oh and that reminds me that Allie mentioned that some years instead of giving something up, she adds something to her life that does not come naturally to her (ie giving some money to every person begging, writing encouraging notes to a different friend every day, helping at a homeless shelter, and on and on). I like that idea even though it will be just as difficult, adding something that doesn't come naturally, as refraining from something I adore.

Good morning! I started reading a new book over the weekend. Oh goodness, it's a fabulous one. Hits deep. It's by Eugene Peterson (yep, the author/translator of the Message). I'm always so thankful for book recommendations. I hate taking time to find books but I love when good ones are just placed in front of my nose (bluntly put, I'm lazy in this area). I have a couple friends who tell me about the best books. This one is from my dad. It starts out with a striking poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins who was my favorite poet in high school. He was my first introduction to a poet madly in love with alliteration, the poems hopping with tension. Here's the lovely example:

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame;
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell's
Bow strung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves - goes itself; myself it speaks and spells,
Crying What I do is me: for that I came.

I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is -
Christ. For Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.

The book concentrates on the living out of our theology which he calls "spiritual theology"... That the two words cannot be separated without being at an imbalance. Oh and yes, the book is naturally called, Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places. It was cheap on bol.com (if you're in the Netherlands), otherwise I'm sure you can get it for next to nothing in the US. Well, there you have it, my plug for the day!

I'm now off to prepare for my first teaching in dutch (eeek!) on prayer. I'm preparing in English then will translate it to dutch, I may figure out mid way that I'm doing double work. We'll see, I'm sure the next time will be easier. Ideas/tips are welcome! Which reminds me I also need to buy a Bible in dutch, so I'll stop by the bookstore as well. I keep misplacing the ones I thought I had. Then my day will hopefully finish with some mad quick graphic design skillzzz which will inshallah (God willing), produce a sign/banner of sorts for the entrance to our "non church" looking church door this Sunday. Here we go!

I got my hair cut today. It was a fun experience. Went to Kinki Kapers in Utrecht. Trained down with lovely Allie. We stepped in to this raging energy filled space with hairdressers snipping madly away. Felice, my new favorite person was there to great us. She's been cutting hair for just under a year and is freaking amazing. A total gift and finally a hairstylist that's got "the gift." She takes a really long time but the result is fabulously smooth and light (which is a good thing for my hefty mane) but it means we have longer to talk. And talk and talk we did, all in dutch of course, which I always am pleasantly surprised when people do speak dutch with me, since often their English is so perfect. It's one of my favorite things. Even when I ask for clarification, it's in dutch! Thank you God for Felice.

I love when life tasks overlap... need a haircut since it's been 6 months and need to practice dutch and it's always good to meet new people and even bump in to another friend and connect with her... oh the overlap is a sweet thing! By the time we made it back it was late and time to catch a few maddeningly amazing Lost episodes with friends.

Tomorrow I have letters to sign, a teaching to write, my thoughts to process, and some new and old friends to see. It will be a good day I'm sure.

My thoughts today have wandered to Martin Luther King Jr. and the annual remembrance and celebration that goes on back home on this day. And I got to thinking about the MLKs all over the world who work for justice and seek peace. And that these regular people like my friend Sarah who helps women in India who are coming out of prostitution by providing them with an income (making beautiful blankets out of recycled sari material) are full of the grace and love of Jesus. That's who Jesus was, a radical justice seeker who gave his life to put the world to right. And now we're a part of that time line, seeing the "right" being worked out and waiting for the full "right" to come. And I pray for justice soon, for real hope people can taste, for a future for Haiti, for the people there who have sustained years and years of kicking while they're down. Oh God, keep us full of hope and keep us with our eyes stuck on you. And help me to be that kind of person here in Amsterdam. Let me be a hope broker as Carl Medearis once said he was when asked what his profession was. I want to be a broker of hope, we're called to be brokers of hope.

Here are some happy pictures I'd forgotten about and thought I'd share... they all have stories attached but for now you get just the picture and a blurb. Life has been a bit hectic, I hope to get back to some actual writing and musing soon.


gathering with new/old friends. this was a really good night.

when the snow came to stay a while! we've had a couple more dumpings of snow since this first snowfall. it's been magical and deeply silent.

allie playing in the snow. it was really sticky snow!

alessandra, mahawa, and i lovin' on eachother.

new year's day came with a swim in the north sea. it was sooo cold and glorious! i'd do it again in a heartbeat.